Simplify Your Home November 26, 2008

As you read through the site of DeepStream or speak to any of us who are involved, you will find that the home is a hot topic of discussion. Our hearts beat faster when we envision what “could be” for the families of our community, for the friends that we are living in connection with. On the other side of the coin though, we also have deep emotion when we sit and talk with families and see the realities of what our culture is doing to the modern family. The stories that we hear leave us wondering what life must be like in many of these homes on a day-to-day basis. Based on many of these conversations and many of our own experiences we’ve come up with a simple, one word slogan to live by. It’s a word that we feel all families and homes need to embrace. We actually have a plaque that hangs on the wall of our home, which says this – SIMPLIFY – basic, full of meaning, and a word that will revolutionize your home life.

If we take a distant look back into God’s original design, we see His people being challenged in the area of priorities. I believe that if we would take a moment as Dad or Mom, Husband or Wife, or as a family and really look at and refocus some priorities, we will begin to see and live the Simpler Life that God has in store for each of us. Read the passage below and let’s unpack God’s design together.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9
“Hear O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words, which I command you today, shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (NKJV)

Simplify Priority #1 – Refocus your belief in God.

The challenge in Deuteronomy starts by clarifying that there is only one God and that we must be totally committed to Him with our whole being. We each must personally embrace a proper view of who God is, and then that should drive each of us in our individual pursuits of a relationship with Him. It then goes on to state that these words must be rooted deep in our hearts. Proverbs tells us that we are to “keep our hearts with all diligence, for out of them spring all the issues of life”. Later in the New Testament, Christ reiterates that the greatest commandment is to love God with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength. Simply put, we must put God and our relationship with Him through His Son Jesus at the top of our priorities. Out of this relationship will come the strength, clarity, and focus to do the other things which we’ve been put here to do.

Simplify Priority #2 – Take the time to teach your family.

Further into this passage, after the challenge and reminder of who God is, the reminder turned into a command to teach. You can note that this was not an “academic” teaching on your view of God, but a way of communicating to your family through the everyday happenings of life. We are encouraged to talk of God as we walk, sit, lie down, or when we rise up. Basically, throughout the day, we should be actively living out our belief and faith in God. This isn’t a private matter either. We are commanded to talk about it. A key ingredient to making this happen in our everyday is to make time. We don’t avoid doing this b/c we don’t have the desire, but normally it ends up taking the back seat to the already jam packed schedule that our family might have. Even if you currently find yourself in a routine that can’t be changed immediately, begin by using some of the time you do have, and making that time more God focused. You can talk to your family about God while you are sitting at dinner, while you are driving, and so on. Simply put, we have to make the time to do this.

Simplify Priority #3 – Make your home different than the rest.

At the end of the passage in Deuteronomy, we are all encouraged to take these commands and not only write them on our hearts, teach them to our families, but to write them on the doorposts and gates to our houses. I believe that in these verses we are being encouraged to be different. Our homes should be places that make people question “What is it about this place. It feels different!” As Christian homes, there should be a Spirit that is different abiding within our walls. This Spirit should be part of our witness which points others towards God. Is your home a place that is peaceful? Welcoming? Real? Do your neighbors feel that you have time for them? Do you have time for them? Take some time and talk with your spouse and family and really think about the message you send to those around you.

Well, as you’ve read, this wasn’t a list of to do’s or ways to change your families schedule and re-focus your priorities. The point is for all of us to realize that God comes first. If we put Him in that position, most of the other priorities are going to fall into place. We will have a desire to teach our families and we will have a desire to impact our friends and neighbors.

Simplify!!!

Family Vitamins November 26, 2008

The Bible says “a wise man builds his house upon the rock” and goes on to say “a foolish man builds his house upon the sand.” There’s a catchy children’s song that sings along to that verse as well. But what in the world does that really mean? How can we actually do it? What does it look like and what are some tangible ways to put it into practice?

In our home, we believe there’s more to it than the simple explanation it sometimes gets. Yes, the “rock” symbolizes Jesus, and we are to build our home – our foundation – upon God and His word. The “sand” can symbolize the luxuries the world has to offer, which can be washed away and have no eternal significance whatsoever.

We have found that the easiest way to build our house upon the rock of Jesus is by trying our best to emulate his character in our daily home life. Following a religious or moral to-do list cannot get it done. There’s no correct “gameplan” or “blueprint” that promises an end-result home that glorifies God. A rigid set of rules is actually the worst way to aim for such a goal. I know for a fact that generic house rules and behavior mandates don’t go very far with my kids. It may look good to others on the surface, but it rarely penetrates their hearts.

When we take a close look at who Jesus was and what he taught we don’t see an overdose of rules or structure. What we see are character traits that, if mirrored at home, can overflow and rub off on your family. After all, studies show that our children typically don’t grow up to become who we told them to be, they grow up to become who they saw us to be.

We have implemented a necessary dose of spoken “family vitamins” in our home. This concept was learned in Robert Wolgemuth’s book called “The Most Important Place on Earth,” appropriately referring to the home. The family vitamins reflect the character of Jesus, and help us to do our best to try to be more like him.

FAMILY VITAMIN #1: “I LOVE YOU”

If the phrase “I love you” is not regularly spoken in the home, there is a big problem. Without these spoken words, the action of love almost becomes impossible. This heartfelt expression should be a mandatory exchange between husband and wife, parents to kids, brothers to sisters, etc. Every family member should be saying “I love you” to every other family member on a regular basis. A house built on the rock is a house built on love.

“Love ya” as you walk out the door does not cut it. These powerful words must be spoken in full, preferably with the persons name at the end, and looking the person square in the eyes. “I love you Brooke” as I tuck my daughter in for bed assures her that I mean what I’m saying. The words connect the “speaker” and the “receiver” in a special and unique way. The words must be spoken in full, and not in a hurry – or else it doesn’t qualify as a family vitamin. And lastly, often times the words “I love you” need to be said at the most difficult times…after an argument, punishment, or competitive environment.

FAMILY VITAMIN #2: “I NEED YOUR LOVE”

This vitamin is critical in helping members of your family know when someone else needs to be loved. Each member of the family should be totally comfortable telling another family member “I need _____”. And the blank doesn’t always have to be “love.” It might be attention, encouragement, or help. The point is that this essential vitamin is about putting our unmet expectations into words. “I need your love” shouldn’t require explanation or even logic. It’s a practical measure that allows anyone in the home’s feelings to be brought to the table – without hesitation.

When my daughter Maddie says “dad, I need your help” or “dad, I need your attention” it helps me remember that helping her with her homework is more important than Sunday night football. When my wife says “honey, I need you to lighten up a little” it quickly lets me know that maybe I am looking at things the wrong way. Be careful with this vitamin…not to use it selfishly, or get offended if someone uses it towards you. Remember the purpose of this family vitamin is to open up communication and fight against the silence or resentment that can do damage in your home.

FAMILY VITAMIN #3: “I’M SORRY, I WAS WRONG, WILL YOU FORGIVE ME?

“I’m sorry” often sounds like a cliché’ and does very little to actually solicit a response or clear the air. “I’m sorry” only says “if I had this to do again, I wouldn’t.” “I’m sorry” only gets things started. Sometimes the phrase “I’m sorry” doesn’t really mean anything at all. For example, if I do or say something that hurts my wife, and I say “I’m sorry” what do I really mean? Do I mean “I’m sorry your feelings got hurt,” or do I mean “I’m sorry you took it that way”…or God forbid I might mean “I’m sorry you heard me, I should have said that more quietly.” The point is this: “I’m sorry” is a lame, open-ended comment unless it is combined with a follow up statement.

“I was wrong” eliminates the need for any argument. It immediately supports your apology and makes it genuine. And once you have shared how you feel about what you’ve done it’s time to end the matter permanently. “Will you forgive me?” is your request for that release. Once the words “yes” are spoken in response, this issue is over. A healthy home cannot leave wrongful actions or words open-ended. If so, there is a lingering effect that lurks about, waiting to be re-opened again. If not nipped in the bud, these old lingering exchanges will recreate themselves and eventually damage relationships. A house built on the rock encourages admission to mistakes, and forgives those who ask forgiveness.

FAMILY VITAMIN #4: “MAY I HELP?”

This family vitamin has done wonders in our home. Even before I learned or put into practice the “family vitamins” I knew of the power of the words “may I help.” The problem was that I rarely used them. But since making a more conscious effort towards it, I’ve seen the value even more clearly.

Like most guys, I don’t seem to have a lot of energy when it comes time to do the dishes, pick up around the house, or even help bathe the kids and get them ready for bed. For some reason, my meter seems to stop ticking the moment the last bite of dinner reaches my gut. Vitamin #4 reminds me that building my house on the rock is tough work. I have to be unselfish, and I have to make sure I am not only “teaching” but also “living.” “May I help” works like magic in a home. And the beauty of it is its contagiousness. When the kids hear mom & dad say it, it becomes natural for them. When my wife says it to me, it becomes a desire to say it more frequently to her. Amazing how that works.

FAMILY VITAMIN #5: “Thank You”

These two words must be used frequently in a loving home. No task under the roof of your home should be thankless. Laundry, washing a car, cooking dinner, a weekly paycheck, chores, etc. These daily, routine activities should be recognized. Otherwise, they can easily become mundane and feel meaningless. But it’s the simple chores or to-do list that is so critical in making the home a success. Be an example of Jesus, and learn to genuinely appreciate the work, no matter how simple, that helps the home operate smoothly.

This powerful vitamin can be effective in writing as well. It shows the recipient that you took the time to appreciate them. There may be no better feeling in the world than to feel appreciated. And there may be no better enrichment to your heart than to live with gratitude…which makes this last essential vitamin a win-win.